Do I Know You?
by emmaouttathebox
Summary: Plagued with dreams of a chaotic and confusing reality, Castiel resides in a psychiatric hospital with feelings of he just can't shake. What is real? What is wrong with him? And why do some of the patients seem eerily familiar?
1. Chapter 1

_Sparks flashed. There were several gunshots. He kept walking, unfazed as he maintained eye contact._

_"Who are you?" the man asked, circling him warily._

_"I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition."_

Cas awoke with a gasp, jolting out of his bed so sharply he almost fell out. There was a knock at the door and a nurse walked in, carrying a tray. The lanyard she had hanging around her neck sported the same logo as the tray: _Aspen Grove Psychiatric Hospital_.

"Castiel? Are you alright?" she asked, concerned. Setting the tray on the nearby dresser, she rushed near his bedside.

"I-I'm fine," Cas murmured, still breathing heavily.

"Did you have another dream?" She peered into his eyes, checking for symptoms.

"Really, Meg, I'm fine," he groaned, pushing her softly away as he stood.

"You're not just saying this because you don't want another examination?"

"I'm sick of those. I just want to go home," Cas snapped, walking across the room to inspect his breakfast. A glass of orange juice, likely watered down, and an unappealing bowl of oatmeal. He stuck a finger in; lukewarm. Figures.

"I know," Meg said, "And we all want you to go home, too. But not if you're still unwell." She walked across the room to where Cas was standing. Though she was at least a good head shorter than him, Meg had a commanding presence. "Did you have another dream?"

Cas took a breath. "No."

She looked at him searchingly for a moment. "Fine." Turning, she walked briskly out of the room, pausing at the doorway. "Remember, you have group activity at 9 am." With that, she closed the door.

Cas gripped the tray as he carried it to his small table. Group activity. The thought made his stomach turn more than the bland oatmeal. The dreams themselves were disconcerting. They felt _so real_, and, contrary to what he had been telling Meg, they occurred on an almost daily basis.

Breakfast passed too quickly, and before he knew it, Cas was being herded to the activity room. Nervously, he scanned the room, taking in the pastel walls dotted by patients shuffling about. Nobody yet. Then, Cas saw him. He stood away from the group, glowering at the scene.

Quietly, Cas walked closer, pausing every so often as to not arouse suspicion, until he was next to the man. Deja vu screamed within Castiel's system as the familiar phrase slipped from his lips. "Hello, Dean."


	2. Chapter 2

Dean swore. "I told you not to sneak up on me like that!" he shouted. Several heads turned in their direction, curious. Dean glared, and the staring stopped. He turned back to face Castiel. "I mean it. You've got to stop following me around so much. It's creepy."

"I don't sneak up on you," Cas said earnestly, "Or I don't mean to, at least."

"Doesn't change the fact you're annoying," Dean snapped, shuffling several paces away from Cas, "Seriously, can't you see I'm busy?"

"Unless you're hallucinating, there's nobody in this corner but us," Cas replied, taking a tentative step forwards. Real life was so hard. The Dean he knew, dream-Dean, anyway, had seemed to be less antagonistic. Usually. But despite all the feelings of strange nostalgia and pressing deja vu that arose around Dean, it was not reciprocated. Not in the slightest. Maybe they _were_ just dreams...

"Cas! Dean! Come join the group!" called a nurse, gesturing to the plastic chairs circled up in the center of the room. The other patients had seated themselves, which left two empty seats right next to each other-and right next to the group leader, which, in this case, was a nurse named Jo.

"Great," Dean muttered, noticing the seating arrangement, "I gotta sit by the freak again." He knocked Castiel aside with his shoulder as he headed towards the group. Cas followed, dejected. Dean chose the seat closest to Jo.

"Thank you two for joining us," Jo said with a smile. Cas knew better. Jo might _look_ like a dainty girl, but she could whip the patients into shape if necessary. "This session, I thought it would be nice to talk about your families back home. Dean, would you like to start?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Dean muttered, staring at the ground.

"Look, Dean, I know this isn't easy, but it's important to remember what ties you to the outside world. Besides," said Jo, gesturing to the rest of the group, "It gives us another way to get to know you."

"I don't care about that," Dean snapped.

"I know your friend was transferred, but-" Jo began.

"I've got nothing back home!" Dean interrupted. "They're dead!"

Upon that declaration, the group burst into anxious whispers, some even moaning or putting their heads into their laps. Jo looked around, the look on her face implying she was starting to regret this choice of activity. "Castiel," she said loudly, "What about you?"

The group quieted and Cas paused, thinking. It was a while since he'd seen his family; no doubt Michael was married by now. Gabe could be anywhere, though he'd always had his eye on comedy and Anna...Anna would be graduating soon. He closed his eyes, envisioning a happy family celebration for Anna's graduation when-

_He was surrounded by bodies. Tens, maybe even hundreds of them. And beneath them, as though burned into the ground, was the pattern of wings..._

Castiel's eyes snapped open and he gasped. Somehow he'd fallen out of his seat, Jo hovered over him worriedly. The other patients were gathered behind her, watching him curiously. "Wha-what happened?" he croaked.

"You had another incident," Jo said, gravely, "What did you see?"

"What did I do?" Cas asked, avoiding the question.

"You...collapsed," Jo replied hesitantly. Then, offering a hand, "Can you stand?"

Cas nodded, grabbing her hand and allowing himself to be helped up. Jo was clearly hiding something, but it was unlikely she would talk. As he surveyed the room, he caught Dean's eye. Dean was staring at him with something of apprehension and curiosity.

As Cas was escorted out of the room by other nurses, he couldn't help but see a silver lining to it all. Whatever had happened, it had caught Dean's attention. And though there would surely be consequences for his outburst, Cas clung to this tiny sliver of hope.


	3. Chapter 3

"Castiel, I asked you a question," the woman said commandingly. Cas had been escorted to a large room, left to sit on a couch. The woman across from him sat in a stiff wooden armchair. Her hair was pulled into a tight bun at the nape of her neck and, much like the other nurses, she wasn't taking any crap.

"Who are you? You're not my regular doctor. What gives you the right to talk to me?" Cas asked, stalling for time.

"Castiel, I'm the supervisor here, which means I can and should get to know all my patients. Now, tell me, what did you see this time?"

Castiel buried his head in his hands. There were times when the two realities he experienced were grating, confusing. Not something he wanted to discuss with a complete stranger.

"Look, your family is paying us good money to get you better. Don't you want-"

"I didn't see anything," Cas said, pulling his head from his hands.

"Castiel, we both know that's not true," the woman said, interlacing her fingers and leaning forwards.

Defiantly, he crossed his arms.

"Listen," said the woman, standing, "If you don't want to help yourself, we have ways of helping." She walked across the room and opened a cabinet door, pulling out a bottle of pills. As she returned to her chair, she rattled them every so often. Medication. Cas had only heard rumors of what happened to patients who had to go on regular medication. At best it resulted in solitary confinement.

"No." Cas replied, turning his head away. He was _not_ the type to be bullied, in this world or the other one.

There was a pause as the woman narrowed her eyes. Slowly, she stood, placing the bottle of pills onto a nearby desk and walking until she towered above Castiel. As he looked up, she smiled viciously.

"According to your file, you've been showing an unusual amount of interest in a certain patient."

Cas's heart jumped. Dean.

"Now, making friends is good, but-"

"What?" he asked, dreading the response.

"But," she continued, "With you becoming relatively unstable, you're becoming more and more of a danger. This obsessive behavior could lead to tragedy, so action will have to be made towards distancing the two of you."

No. Dean was Castiel's only link to his dreams. Cas bit his cheek as he tried to think of a way out. He came up empty. "What do you want?" Cas asked, defeated.

"You are going to tell me about your dreams," the woman replied with a smile, "All of them. Even the ones you don't report to your nurses."

"But...Meg," Cas said. He had grown to enjoy Meg's company, even trust her, to some extent.

"Meg will still be your nurse. Think of me as more of the head nurse in this situation."

"If I do this," Cas said, heart sinking, "At least let me know your name."

"You can call me Doctor Naomi," she replied, her voice tinged with victory.


	4. Chapter 4

"Who are they?" Cas asked, nodding his head towards the wing to his left. A few patients were being escorted down the hall by nurses, but none he'd ever met before. Castiel was being escorted as well. Meeting with Naomi completed, Meg was to direct him back to his assigned areas.

"They're the high security patients," Meg replied.

Cas slowed to watch, curious. So this was where the heavily medicated patients went. He'd heard rumors. Rumors from people struggling with mental ailments including schizophrenia, multiple personalities and dementia, but still. The rumors had to come from _somewhere_.

"Come on," Meg said, "We don't want to upset any of them."

Cas nodded, vacantly, still standing and watching. He was getting the same nudges of deja vu that occurred when he was in the presence of Dean. But what was so important about this place?

"Castiel, do I need to ask again?" Meg asked, an edge of irritation in her voice.

"No, I-" Cas turned to leave, but a patient caught his eye. It was a man, very tall, with long, tangled hair. He turned, giving Cas a glimpse of his face. Memories flooded Castiel's mind and the name tumbled from his mouth before he was aware he was speaking. "Sam?"

It had come out louder than Cas expected. Sam jumped, looking at Cas. Upon closer examination, Cas could see Sam's face was gaunt and dark circles ringed his eyes, which widened as he gazed at Cas with wonder. "C-Cas?" he asked, quietly. Sam then groaned in pain and clutched his head, knees buckling as he dropped to the ground. His back arched in pain as his nurse, a redhead whom Cas had never encountered before, knelt down at his side.

"Sam," she said calmly, patting his back, "It's going to be alright." The nurse looked up, making eye contact with Meg. "It looks like your patient was a trigger. I'm going to have to ask-"

"I'm so sorry about all this," Meg said, putting a hand to Castiel's shoulder and pushing him forward, "He wasn't supposed to be here anyway." With that, she gave Cas a glare.

Cas, not knowing what to do, allowed himself to be lead back down the hall. Memories were flitting through his mind, like tiny snapshots.

_Sam, approaching him with an eager hand outstretched._

_Night. Sam and Dean. Together in a car speeding down an empty road._

_Sam. A field. A snap of a finger and then red._

Cas gritted his teeth as the barrage of memories clogged his consciousness. He. Would. Not. Pass. Out. Not again. He took instead to clenching and unclenching his fists and trying to sort through it all. They were all connected, that much Cas knew for sure. Him. Sam. Dean. There was something that tied them all together.

"You OK?"

Cas' reverie was cut off. "Did I pass out again?" Blinking, he took in the familiar setting of his room. Odd. He really had been lost to reality.

"No," Meg said, giving him an odd look, "But you did seem a bit out of it. Did you know that guy?"

"Never met him before," Cas muttered. He passed Meg through the doorway and sat on his threadbare bed, burying his head in his hands not unlike Sam had done.

"C'mon, Clarence. I know when you're lying," Meg said snarkily. Castiel's head shot up, watching her march into the room, arms crossed, curls bouncing. Her small frame towered over his own.

"W-what did you just call me?" he asked.

"Nothing," Meg said, confused. Cas blinked. Meg was still across the room, still leaning worriedly against the doorframe. "Castiel, do we need to get you any medication?"

"No!" Cas exclaimed hastily, standing from the bed. He wobbled, slightly. "No, I'm just...tired."

"Enough of this crap!" Meg exclaimed, angrily, "You've been getting worse for days now."

"Please, just one more night?" Cas begged. "I want to feel like myself." He couldn't think straight with the medications, it made his head foggy. Of course, now he wasn't even sure if he was thinking straight without the meds.

Meg folded her arms, gazing at Cas intently. "Fine," she said, quietly. "But if this happens again-"

"I know." Cas interrupted.

Meg nodded. "Dinner's at 7," she said, turning to leave and closing the door behind her. Cas, alone in his bare room, shivered, wishing (strangely) for a trench coat to keep him warm. It seemed every time he thought the world was starting to make sense, something else happened. All Cas knew for sure was that as time went on, he was losing grip on what was real. He needed answers. Fast.


	5. Chapter 5

"Hey, anyone sitting here?"

Cas blinked drowsily, trying to regain his bearings. It had been a long day, and a long time since getting a decent night's sleep. His fork was sliding dangerously close to the meat sauce that was, supposedly, stroganoff.

"You hear me?"

Cas looked up to find Dean standing over him, tray in hand. Hastily, Cas regained control of his fork. "Yeah, it's open."

Dean nodded, then sat down next to Cas, taking no time to start digging into his meal. Cas looked back at his own, unappealing dinner and took a slow bite.

"You really mean what you said?" Dean asked, his mouth half full.

Cas frowned slightly. "What do you mean?"

"At group," Dean said, between bites, "Right before you passed out you said you'd killed your family."

Ah. Suddenly the surprise meeting with Naomi made a lot more sense.

"Did you?"

Cas looked to see Dean staring intently at him. "I don't see how it's any of your business," he replied, breaking eye contact.

"It's just that..." Dean paused, "They think I killed my family, too."

Cas put down his fork. "Did you?"

"Did you?" Dean replied.

Cas sighed. "Honestly, I'm not sure. It's so hard to tell what's real anymore."

"Sometimes I feel the same way," Dean admitted. He looked down at his meal, taking a few more bites, then back at Cas. "It was a house fire. Killed my mom and my little brother. They think I started it."

"Sam?" Cas asked, then mentally cursed himself. Dean already thought he was crazy.

Dean gaped at him. "How did you know my little brother's name?"

"I-it's hard to explain..."

Dean stood. "What game are you playing, anyway?"

As he turned to leave, Cas stood too, gripping him on the shoulder. "Dean, please, wait!"

As soon as his hand made contact, energy pulsed. It felt like lightning.

_I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition_.

Cas jerked his hand away, groaning in pain. Dean stared at him, breathing heavily. "What happened?" he whispered hoarsely, "What did you just do?"

"Did you see it, too?" Cas asked, heart racing. "You did, didn't you? You have to remember-"

He was cut off by a nurse. "If you boys don't sit, you're going to have to finish dinner in your rooms."

They sat, Dean avoiding eye contact. "Please, you have to remember something," Cas continued. It was his only hope.

There was a long silence. Then- "Was Sammy alive?"

"What?"

"In your..._the_ other world. Was Sam alive?"

"Yes," Cas replied. He remembered the strange occurrence in the high security ward and suddenly something slid into place. "And I think he's alive here, too."

"What do you mean?"

Cas tried his best to explain the incident, but it was difficult. Dean had no real recollection of his brother. Not in this world, anyway, though Dean still appeared to retain an unyielding need to protect him.

"So, what's real?" Dean asked after Cas finished. "Are we just both the same dose of crazy?"

"I don't know," Cas replied. "Realities are becoming so thin to me. All I know is that things make more sense when I'm near you."

Dean opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to come up with something to say. Cas braced himself for the worst. "Me, too," Dean said, finally. Cas blinked. "I can't explain it, but...you're right. We know each other. And whatever's going on, we're connected to it."

The bell rang, signalling dinner was almost to a close. "Meet at group games, tomorrow?" Dean asked. Cas nodded vaguely, his mind jumping to other things. If the other reality was true, and it was looking more and more like it could be, then at some point...they would need to find Sam.


	6. Chapter 6

They had been standing too long and the nurse, true to her promise, sent Cas and Dean off to finish their dinners in their separate rooms. Cas couldn't wipe the grin from his face. Finally, he was going to get answers.

How long had he waited? Cas mulled the thought over as he played with the sauce-laden noodles on his plate, pushing them from one corner to another. The strange thing was, Cas had no idea how long he'd been in the hospital. Sometimes it felt like a week, other times it felt longer, a month, a year? The lack of clarity worried him. Cas abandoned his meal, in search of some method of tracking time. A calendar, perhaps, or a dated receipt for the medications he was taking. He checked his drawers, under the bed, on the table, but there was nothing out of place in his uncomfortably clean room.

Resigned, he sat back down and tried to continue eating. By this time, the noodles were cold and rubbery. Cas forced himself to swallow, then set down his fork. With nothing else to do, he paced the room, trying to think of something, anything, that could give him a clue to how long he'd been in the ward.

His reverie was broken by two sharp raps on the door. It opened to reveal Meg, who had arrived with his nightly medications. She looked at him, then at the half-full plate of food sitting on the table.

"Why haven't you eaten?" she said, setting his cup of pills on the dresser.

"I don't like stroganoff. I wanted hamburgers," Cas replied. It was true, though had nothing to do with the reason he didn't eat dinner tonight.

Meg, apparently, wasn't buying it either. She crossed her arms. "Castiel, what is this about?"

What _was_ it about? It was a lot of things. Dean. His visions. The uncertainty of how much time had passed. Of course, none of those would go over well. "It's..." Cas started, looking at the floor to avoid eye contact, "It was the encounter I had with the high security patient."

Meg's eyes softened. "Of course, that's to be expected. It was a trying experience for everyone involved." She grabbed the two paper cups, on with pills, one with water, and walked across the room, handing them to Cas. "Maybe you should tuck in early?"

Cas nodded, taking the medications before walking to his bed. It squeaked as he sat. Meg gave him a worried look, then headed out of the room. As she reached the doorway, Cas spoke. "How long have I been here?"

She turned around, eyes searching him sadly. "You don't know?"

"No."

Meg sighed. "I can't tell you."

"Why?"

Meg gave a small head shake. She opened her mouth as if to speak, then closed it, walking out the door without a word. Cas laid back on the bed, defeated. He would have to try something different tomorrow. He wrapped himself in the thin bedsheet and closed his eyes, bracing himself for the inevitable nightmares that would come before he reached the dawn.

_There was power. So much power. Dean and Sam stared at him in shock._

_Cas stared at Dean, but his body was not his own. He could feel dark forces writhing within him. "We run the show now," Cas could hear his voice, but it didn't sound like him. With a push, Dean was sent flying across the room._

_ The darkness controlled his body as he walked into the water. Each step brought him deeper and deeper. His head submerged, then there was nothing._

Cas awoke with a wail. Thrashing, tangled in his bed sheet, he fell from the bed with a loud thud. Light streamed in from the small, barred window. His breath came in dry, ragged sobs. What _was_ he? It seemed each dream showed Castiel another dark part of himself. A part he wouldn't want to see. Maybe it was for the best that he was locked away here.

"Castiel! It's time for your appointment!" Meg called from outside the door.

Cas scrambled to his feet, hastily kicking the covers under the bed as Meg opened the door.

"How did the nightmares go tonight?" Meg asked.

"Nonexistent," Cas replied, his voice cracking slightly as he tried to control the residual panic caused by the flashbacks.

"Great," Meg said with a smile, and with that they headed to the dining room. They didn't speak, Castiel instead focusing on the small things, the patter of his slippers on the linoleum floor, the creaks of other doors opening. They approached the intimidating door to Naomi's office. Meg opened the door and ushered Cas in before walking away.

"Hello, Castiel. I'm glad you're here," Naomi said, her voice sickly sweet. Cas sat, obediently. She began to talk and Cas lost track of time...he was aware of her speaking and his own voice answering...the next thing he knew, he was being escorted by Meg to group breakfast.

"Wh-what happened in there?" Cas croaked, racking his brain for an answer, but finding nothing.

Meg looked scared, refusing to answer.

When he reached the dining room, Cas grabbed a tray, which was loaded with a bowl of cold cereal, a cup of orange juice and a banana, and found an empty spot at the end of the table. He dug into the cereal voraciously, having barely eaten the night before.

He heard a clink and looked up to see Dean placing his tray beside him. _Dean, collapsing in a heap as he crashed into the table. _Cas blinked back the flashback and forced himself to swallow.

"Dude, you wouldn't believe what happened last night!" Dean said excitedly, biting into a sausage.

Cas avoided eye contact, instead reaching for his glass of orange juice.

"I think I had one of those flashbacks you've been having!" Dean continued, still chewing. He paused, swallowing. "You, me and Sam were fighting some sort of monster!"

"Did you ever stop to think maybe we're both just crazy?" Cas asked, taking a sip of his drink and staring at his tray.

"I know what I said before, but it felt _real_." Dean lowered his voice, "You wanna know what I think? I think we're trapped here. They just want us to _think_ we're crazy."

"That's what crazy people say, Dean." Cas ignored the ache in his chest. He'd finally gotten Dean on his side and now he was pushing him away? It was for the best. It had to be. The more flashbacks that came, the more Cas realized he was poison to anyone he got close to. Perhaps the psychiatric ward was the closest he could come to redemption.

"You know that's not true."

Cas sighed, finally allowing himself to look Dean in the eye. "After what I've seen, maybe I wish it was."

"I don't know what you did," Dean said, after a pause, "Or who you think you were, but I'd rather have that reality than this one. Locked away in rooms all day, losing track of time, this isn't who any of us were meant to be."

"In that reality, I drove your brother to insanity. I devastated my family and destroyed any bond that existed between us," Cas replied, bluntly. "Maybe I've realized that where I am now is better. Safer."

"But it's not real. It can't be."

"Or maybe you can't face the fact you got your mother and brother killed," Cas said, heart ripping as he drove a wedge deeper into the newly formed friendship with Dean. What was he doing? This wasn't what he wanted.

Dean's smile faded. "I don't know what you're playing at, but you know that's not true. I know it." He paused, waiting for Cas to agree, but Cas turned away. "I don't know what happened, but I'm going to prove it," Dean said after a moment, his voice hardening. "I'm going to find my brother and then all three of us are getting out of here." He stood to leave.

"Dean..." Cas said, desperately wishing for him to stay. But the words wouldn't come. "I can't."

Head sinking, he drained the last of his juice, hearing his one connection to the other reality walk away. Why had he pushed Dean away like that? Dean had been the one thing keeping him sane.


End file.
